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Sex talk: Oh, how they grow up!

I’m not talking about your children; I mean their parents. Spouses do grow up, you know, and with that growth comes inevitable change.

How equipped are you for that?

The teenager you fell for and married as soon as she finished school, will one day wake up and the Douglas Pouch you always found so adorable and sexy about her body will have turned into an apron belly.

Her enthusiastic responses to your sexual advances have since changed to a lengthy, expert process of haggling for sex, and her dressing table once full of cosmetics now has herbal concoctions and pills of all colours and sizes…

As the years go by, you will notice that his once fine facial features and strong jawline are no more as the ravages of life leave him looking haggard, grey and lined. The six-pack has long-morphed into a bulky one-pack, and he is the total package of all tribes of ailments.

Are you ready for that?

Maybe that is what wedding vows should include and specify, instead of ‘for better for worse’, because many couples seem to be caught off-guard by the fact that their spouses change with the years. Top on the list of married people’s complaints: S/he changed! Well, as s/he expectedly should. It is more about how the two of you handle that change that matters.

But truth of the matter is that if in the early years of the marriage you used to walk around the house naked and it had your husband scaling walls with desire, he may find it a bit irritating when you try to pull that off now, twenty years into the marriage. It is not that he desires you any less; he is just not 24 anymore…

If she was playful, spontaneous and as crazy about the sex as you were when you were both in your twenties, forgive her if now, six children and a busload of hormones later, her car needs a little jumpstarting or leaving it parked on an easy slope for it to get properly into the groove.

Someone wrote online that the saddest part of life these days is the number of couples well into their thirtieth or 50th anniversary, opting for divorce. At a time when companionship and marriage probably make the most meaning, older couples are opting out, because one of them is surprised that his/her spouse changed: “They grew up and became less fun!”

Look, be ready to roll with the punches of marriage; I guess that is why they call it ‘hard work’.

Time comes and what came spontaneously and so easily can no longer be counted on, and you must be intentional about good, regular sex, fun time and your work-life balance.

I know a middle-aged couple that has also accumulated quite some wealth, and every couple of years, they go for a boat cruise to the Caribbean, or other exotic destination, and that is their bougee way of adjusting to change and age.

You too, within your budget and dynamics, can introduce new diets, adjust programs, expectations, sex positions, etc, without destroying your marriage.

As your union transitions through the anniversaries, expect one constant: change; how you respond to it is what will make it positive or disastrous change for the two of you.



0 #1 Nasser Ssenyondo 2024-04-13 23:37
Beautiful write-up Munnamagoma!
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0 #2 apollo 2024-04-15 09:42
"Her enthusiastic responses to your sexual advances have since changed to a lengthy, expert process of haggling for sex....".

Everyone experiencing this in marriage must have realized that this is a matter of much bewilderment and frustration.

In a strange way, it makes the judgment of some less harsh on parents who applied african solutions to some of these problems by increasing their options, and in turn spread their risks.
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